but it happened after you broke up with me and before we made up.
The crowing achievement of my life is still the time I made a 3 course meal out of things I found in the dumpster.
I am swimming in semen. He must have been holding it in for a special occasion.
Note to self: never do anything I don't want to explain to a paramedic
Now that you're back together are you gonna tell him you set his stuff on fire?
He drew a bath for me. It was only cute until he started throwing in celery and calling me soup.
They let me close the tennis center alone. It's a 6-minute drive from 2 of my booty calls. Scratch tennis court bj off the bucket list.
I have just gotten home. I saw a lot of penis tonight. On a trampoline. Shit got weird.
I am the kind of drunk to where i can still drive a golf cart
Miscalculate d the jungle juice, it's actually 10%. Can't taste the diff anyway but my stomcha is warm. Come play pongm.
Don't tell him that you hope he dies in a boring missionary position with his wife. That doesn't go over well.
Jeff brought me a cup of coffee to my desk. He's getting a blow job.
Not my fault the fence refused to just break when I ran into it.
Like either my tits got bigger or I've succumbed to Trumps tiny hand syndrome
did i get sucker punched in the face last night or was our make-out session just that intense?
Randomize
