i just saw my boxers from 2 days ago stuck in a tree 4 miles from my house
Hannah Montana > iCarly
I'm disregarding that text and your testicles entirely
My vag wants to play a game of hungry hungry hippos with your cock.
you're close to getting here right? Because if you're still not here and I have to get dressed to answer the door for the pizza guy, i'm tipping him $100 on your credit card to spite you
I think he may have overheard our "how much coke would you fuck me for" conversation last night...
There's a big hole in the wall at the dining hall. I hope we didn't do
You were yelling at the bowl of salad and telling it to quit taunting you and telling you to go to tacobell
she trying to cartwheel up the stairs... not going so well
After what was supposed to be a one night stand I woke up to a message in my room wall written in marker "Kaitlin got it on in here" definitely a cock block down the road
Know your penis has been the topic of conversation over glasses of wine.
Two big black bouncers picked you up and escorted you to the elevator.
I didn't even do anything wrong. For all they knew I could have been on the US Olympic Gymnastic team. Would they kick Gabby Douglas out of a bar? I don't think so.
Was i rolling around in a parking lot last night
Is it fucked up to venmo someone for plan-b?
I'm not saying I'm planning to hook up tomorrow but I'm also not saying I'm unprepared for it
Probably not. Getting pulled over and puking my guts out on the side of the road in front of the cop and him making fun of me, was not my finest moment. Plus I lost my debit card.
Randomize
