IM NOT LETTING YOU PEE ON ME IF THATS WHAT YOURE GETTING AT.
why the fuck does my google maps say i'm in punjab?!?!? u think it has to do with like...outsourcing?
while you were getting the key to the dorm from the lobby i was giving a drunk monolog to the security camera about my life
She tried catching cigarette ashes on her tongue like snowflakes.
If I am going to throw out this whole "born again virgin" thing...i'm not going to do it on someone who is less than 5 inches.
The fact that its 530pm and I'm saying to myself I should sober up since I'm at a family establishment should say enough
I walked in on her just letting her nose bleed into her friend's hands
i just had a pap smear and two shots. lets hit the beach.
He ate me out on the balcony. My asian neighbors cats are judging me...ALL 3 OF THEM!!
the only thing you and i have in common is the we like weed and looking at my naked body.
Food poisoning on first date... Still rode the mechanical bull like a champ
the only reason I'm still sleeping with him is to get the university's secure wifi password
I wish everyone could suck his dick. It was an honor.
Details are irrelevant. Come bail me out of jail.
Need ride home. Girls. Stolen keg. Rolling down streets. Horny girls. No condoms. Rescue needed. girls and beer in exchange for rescue and bacon?
I. Hate. You. Where are you, are said girls cute, and how did you know I bought bacon? And how does this always happen to you?
Smarter than the average bear
Randomize
