so you masturbated because Oprah told you?
Her dress is practically falling off. It must know I'm here.
He googled the address of the bar, then sent me a text saying "6.3 miles. Too far. :( Apparently I am only worth a 5 mile radius.
I'll offer my penis as collateral. You can hold title to it till I pay you back.
who was wearing the fake mustache? I just found one in my cleavage
Legitimate concern. Who am I going to have birthday sex with?
THE CONDOM ONLY COVERS HALF OF HIS DICK I AM IN THE BATHROOM PANICKING
Had sex and ran 2.8 miles all before 7:30am. This is going to be a very productive Monday.
He said I kept trying to give him directions back to my house in Rhode Island, and that I started crying when he told me I live in Phoenix.
I'd cum for enchiladas.
Right now, there's some ten year old kid getting ready to go outside and play basketball. He will soon find out his basketball hoop was no match for my car.
Swish.
I met a gypsy today. She told me my soul animal was an owl and says she will now remember me as "Owl Girl".
He tried to kiss me in the middle of hooking up... it was a deal breaker. I got off him and left.
So making out with chicks at the bar is fine and dandy, but your booty call can't kiss you? You have the strangest fucking rules...
I made him fuck me while wearing a Thor helmat from Walmart. Geek sex is the best sex
The reason why I poison my organs is so that you guys can't sell them.
Randomize
