Is it sad that I find it completely normal that I just took batteries out of a vibrator to put them in a pencil sharpener so I could do homework?
I find this completely acceptable.
Who would have thought the night we were surrounded by 4 cops would be the most responsible night of the week.
May or may not be going home with my jamitor. i'm kiddong, btw, i have no idea. i'll let you know soooon.
I fell asleep on the table at Denny's. Told the waitress to wake me up when my burger was there.
i think he spiked my sandwich with a viagra
It's his sex noise. "I'm gonna cu-THE LORD IS MY SHEPARD AND I SHALL NOT WANT"
My boss just high fived me after finding out i made it through lunch rush rolling on molly. To think this guy used to terify me.
I had to rub one out before the Shabbat dinner in case I find a nice Jewish girl to fuck me in the bathroom.
Your mother would be so proud
His dick was so bent it was like fucking captain hook's hand for 2 hours
So I definitely tried to pay a cab with baseball tickets last night
I just masterbated to the home shopping channel...what have I become...
Oh you mean the girl that gave me a black eye when I told her I liked her fake eyelashes?
Unless your name is actually "Ticfj" like my phone says, I have no idea who you are...
Bug bite on my vagina. I think we need to stop this 'sex in awesome places campaign.'
It's official, I'm not staying in tonight
What caused that decision?
You only live once
Randomize
