it was all good till he told me to dance slow and quiet
My carpet still smells like piss and I THINK YOU KNOW WHY.
Is there a "Plan B" app for my iphone?
i shall enjoy my approximately 2 hours of being sober today
oh and then you called a time out with your penis
You can duct tape yourself to me so we dont lose you and you dont have to celebrate your birthday alone
When she sees your dick for the first time, tell her it glows blue when orcs are close
I can measure my amount of vomit in solo cups.
This is what you sent me from the other side of the pool, "Idk but thers a pool n l wanna get naked take off my trunks ill paddle with my dick"
Sorry for the milk in the bathroom. I was washing mace out of the one security guys eyes
I just want to give face wipes a shout out for being there when im too tired or high to wash my face at night
I promise that I won't shotgun beers with your boyfriend this time, Scouts Honor.
I thought I came here to hook up, not for a Study Abroad 101 session
She did what?
Who. The correct term is she did who.
Did you see him? The correct term is definitely what.
I couldn't have possibly been that bad
You had her flip the penny over to the lucky side before you picked it up and ate it...
Randomize
