you were crying and the really sympathetic homeless man offered you a sip of his whiskey. who was i to stop you?
I just worked out and used handles of vodka as weights. Whoever said alcoholism is detrimental to you health obviously has no fucking idea.
Going abroad, it was like my vagina was in a candy store... a sweet sweet british candy store
he kept saying "mind over matter" as he fucked me
For some reason I just don't think you going to the gay bar alone on thanksgiving is a good idea.
It is scary how often "just flash him" is your advice.
Although, to be fair, I am both willing and going to lick marshmallow fluff off of your dick.
All I know is that I'm not gonna send out SOS messages via twitter for your rescue this time.
They said I was more of a mess than the German. I have achieved the unachievable, you may bow down to me
I'm 50% weirded out and 50% into it
I was smelling my bathroom to make sure it didn't reek of weed...I spaced out and realized I was face to the wall sniffing it for 5 minutes.
The first time he ever tried to hold my hand, I moon walked away.
dude can you explain to me why i woke up on your sisters floor with moutain dew and chips everywhere
i dont know im at your house.
He climbed on the counter and announced it was time for something called The Cocktacular and all the girls immediately left. He cockblocked the entire fraternity!
I just want a guy who makes lots of money, has a skilled penis and the sex drive of a 22 year on Viagra. Is that too much to ask?
Randomize
