i just saw a homeless guy running after a pigeon, catch it and put it in his jacket pocket. I'm not sure if the bird is now his pet or dinner!
Omg. Well, welcome to Oakland...
Needless to say Beer Gardens severly frowns upon playing flip cups with real glasses.
Just so you know, I have a bf.
I guess as long as you bring single girls over and cook cannolis you will still be useful.
On a scale of 1 to last weekend, how hungover are you?
he prob just wants to be friends and here i am photoshopping our kids
Besides the whole peeing blood for a week thing, it was the best sex of my life.
all i could think about while he was eating me out was how pretty his eyelashes were
After the nose/jizz incident i think our relationship can handle anything.
Your friends turned off our power in the basement and when we went to turn it back on I got sprayed in the face with a fire extinguisher. FYI.
Well on the plus side I have started adding benefiber to my bottle of wine
It was one of the greatest weekends of my life. And that's even after factoring in spraying myself in the face with the bidet.
The next time you fuck up, your grandma sees your dick pics
Just watched a girl lose her dignity at the corner...it's not even midnight
How drunk were you? in an effort to seduce him, you demonstrated your lap dance skillz on his dog.
Actually I really wish that I was drinking so I could ask him for breakup sex and then later blame it on my alcoholic tendencies. Maybe tomorrow instead.
Randomize
