I will die if light touches me.
We video chatted for almost two hours. But I woke up with puke on my keyboard. The question of the day: were we still chatting when I vommed? No idea.
Apparently married women at the office don't like getting congratulated on getting "knocked up"
he sent me a winky sad face. i cannot deal this level of pathetically needy flirtatiousness.
At the time, making out with dudes for keg money seemed like a genius idea. Now I realize it was borderline prostitution.
She just came to my house, with puke in her hair, to wake up my dad and scream "happy fathers day you DILF!" at the top of her lungs
It's 1 AM and there's a guy outside my house belting out Bennie and The Jets. He stops in between verses to puke. I'm joining him.
Totally sleeping on a bloodstained mattress tonight. I love life's little adventures.
When I say drunk I mean that in the process of filming a fratstar cooking show they threw a keg into the street where the police came to clean it up. now all they can say is "THE KEG GOT ARRESTED."
I feel like calling off tonight. Is a strong desire for masturbation a valid reason?
I knew it was a bad night when the only thing I could remember was you force feeding me tortilla chips as I hugged the tire of my car and begged to have my stomach pumped.
You asked for his ID and then said "I am like a bouncer but for my vagina."
He had to put his grandma's photo away before I tied him to the bed. She doesn't need to see any of that.
He wanted to save my dignity, I just wanted beads and jäger
was i wearing any clothes at that point?
socks and a thong
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