so whats your words to drink to for the state of the union? mine are 'change' 'fight' and 'you know'.
mine is 'the'.
i think i recognize dicks better than faces
I don't know how, but he made a bong out of a hamster wheel. To say I am impressed is an understatement.
She tried to escape and she fell and hit the door. She's gunna freak when she wakes up with only half a tooth.
I just sniffled when I woke up and got a bump of coke. I have never felt so good hung over.
It Amazes me that I was able to drunk update my status in Spanish last night.
I JUST WANT TO HAVE MILDLY SOCIALLY ACCEPTABLE SEX WITH HIM AND CALL HIM CUPCAKE.
hey sorry if you felt me holding your hand in the middle of the night I was actually just checking if you had a pulse
Ps I got my nipple pierced. You're just gonna have to accept me for the tool I am and I don't wanna hear any shenanigans.
Honestly, it's his loss. He went for the free sample when he could've gotten the whole package, babes.
does that make me the free sample at the grocery store he didn't like enough to buy...? yeah, that advice didn't help, but thanks.
you missed 2am bagpipes and my roommate looking hot as fuck in a kilt
After the first time we had sex he kept saying "I'm proud of you" over and over again
I think I swiped left on my soulmate
Well that's very sweet of you. I have a strange feeling you're going to regret this when you sober up.
NO REGRETS FUCK DA POLICE
When do you think the murder is going to happen in this Lifetime movie of ours?
Randomize
