Hey sorry i havent responded. i threw up on my phone while i was sleeping
im in Michaels with rachel and i see a little boy jumping around and waving a rainbow pompom. Welcome to our team little one
Can you do me a favor and fuck someone with a car so I can get a ride home?
No, but I woke up here and my pockets are full of raisins. Like 6 different pockets.
He brought a TOOTHBRUSH and TOOTHPASTE with us on our date..... I want to go home and forget I ever decided to be nice and go on this date in the first place...... A TOOTHBRUSH!?!?!
The second I see you we're shot gunning beers
It's gonna be 8 o'clock in the morning
And your point is?
Marry me
I was jumping over your garbage can screaming "Im a snow cat!!" ..Who wouldn't want to see that?
Just got tinder matched with my COMM TA. Game on.
I'm only wearing socks and eating tuna, don't do this to me right now.
HAVE BEEN SPEAKING IN RUSSIAN ACCENT FOR 5 HOURS
SHIRT GONE
I woke up naked with a duck on my head. I think something went horribly wrong.
Its a shame I cant put 'bomb ass head game' on my resume.
On a scale of 1 to hungover I’m definitely throwing up at the office today.
I'm sorry for peeing on you last night. Will cookies make up for it?
I’m not saying you’re wrong, I’m just saying he’s denying what you’re saying.
Randomize
