I just took a girl with a hip brace and crutches on a date. she obviously can't bone. is it rude to demand a blowjob?
i can't believe i had my finger in that
Someone played tic tac toe on my abs?
Just coerced a Santa to buy me a handle. Tis the season.
He was very impressed that you could put your hair in a ponytail by yourself while throwing up.
I cartwheeled across every street... They tried to stop me but I bit anyone who came near me
I deserve a fucking award for best roommate. I just cleaned his room, so he can have a 3 some
In my defense, last night's hookup turned out to be my actual girlfriend. That's gotta count for something, right?
He is really real. Like I know where he works, have referenced him with mutual fb friends and I've seen his dick. He's real.
I'm chatting on my fake OkCupid account and watching Lion Witch & Wardrobe on my second screen. Hail me, King of the Creepers
the best part of christmas was when my mom opened the handcuffs that were supposed to be for jen. Surprisingly, not the most awkward situation of the day.
I am not a slut. I'm just very open with how much I love to have sex. Stop judging.
Oh and it took quite a bit of doing, but I managed to wipe my butt with the hat you left in my car
My ass is in a myriad of pain right now
Lesson learned - Taco Bell before a long night of BDSM is a BAD idea
my mom talks about my drinking like its a problem and yet this morning she fills me a solo cup with champagne for the shower.
Randomize
