piano lessons. No girlfriend. What's up.
Well, I guess this was as good a night as any to find out I don't know how to use my fire extinguisher.
it took me 2 minutes to realize that it wasn't HER hand on my penis. First, and worst threesome ever..
I got really high with eric & scott.. they're discussing why words sound the way they do.. it's going to get messy
Like... Chilling at home with a movie, hang out? Or have sexual intercourse in the backseat if his car, hang out?
well right now he's telling us a story how he befriended a racoon
If anyone from work finds out about us I will rip your dick off, sew it to your forehead and feed your balls to you like little grapes
My "Week Of Not Checking Into OK Cupid So I Don't Hook Up With Another Fat Chick" lasted four hours. On the plus side, she was the smallest one yet.
I just high fived you brother at the bar then immediately realized my hands smell like your vagina
Long story short he broke into a preschool and threw all their cones into a tree.
They have beer where we have blood.
"He didn't answer my snap so I know he's arrested"
I woke up naked with a duck on my head. I think something went horribly wrong.
I just got promised sex at a fire station tonight so basically all my porn star dreams are coming true.
Aww you are cute. With your penis. And failures.
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