So when exactly did I get naked and makeout with the statue?
i don't plan on having that self control this summer
I can't wait till you move in so I can stop drinking alone.
it's a Wednesday?
:)
I just took my birth control on the way to class with a 1/2 melted jello shot I happened to find in my purse from Friday night. I told you I was going hard this year.
I hope my tampon is in his bed. That'll teach him. Happy new years btw
I am pretty damn sure that neither my body or his body is ready for how drunk I am getting tonight
We'll find out our level of friendship after tonight. You'll be helping me move a body. My body.
Stoned in a petco on a Saturday. I figured out that ferrets can eat themselves out. Just picture it. Never leaving.
I had tater tots and weed with a stripper at 4am who compared the size of my boob to her head because fuck you my life rocks
It isn't easy. I met him at the gym. He wanted to go out he doesn't drive so I drove and he wanted Dairy Queen where his sister is the manager. This is dating in my 20's
Like you haven't hit rock bottom until you have had to throw your own turd out a window
i can do like, 15 pushups. 20 if i listen to dubstep.
Just calling to thank you for not dying. I love you.
I forgot to lock the door last night. I woke up cuz a guy opened my bedroom door, asked me who I was and where he was. And there was another guy standing in the living room asking me if I knew what apartment "Travis" lives in.
Dennis picked up a 50 year old woman. Then he and Dan got in a fight and jumped out of the limo. No one knows what happened to them.
Randomize
