So it's 10:55am and I just woke up on the floor in the hallway on the4th floor. There should probably be no moredrinking competetions.
Who wants to bang the sort of girl you can get with Axe body spray??
I thought I hit my peak drinking in college. Just finished first day on Wall Street. College was nothing.
So my retainer doesn't fit, so i'm getting drunk so i can put it back in. Alone.
You would...
Hangovers were designed by God when he decided that so far he had taken it WAY TOO EASY on me.
The magic cards should have been the first clue. The comments that I have "amazing birthing hips" and that I'm "beautiful in a child bearing sort of way just sealed his fate.
Friends dont let friends get hit with a flaming baton without warning
I have six drafts of messages to you that just say "blood" and I have no idea where they came from.
Not sure if you carved a butthole or vagina in that pumpkin but that didn't stop high Phil from mounting. My study group is horrified.
The bachelorette party was all fun and games until the strippers came. AKA you guys.
I apologize for chief "dances with dolphins" sucking on your friends foot
No I got myself stoned. With her bowl. She was just a casualty of the War on Sobriety.
Lets go hit some boners bro!
I appreciate the acceptance and inclusion, but that's not how we gay men talk.
Just stuck all that extra cocaine money we made in a savings account...like a responsible adult..
The girl next to me looks like the young version of sara (bonnie hunt) in jumanji. I wanna be like PLAY THE GAME SARA!!!!"
So much Jack, so little girl.
Randomize
