If facebook stalking was a job I would totally pown it
do you believe in love at first sight?
awwwwww =)
yea.. so can i have your sisters number? thanks!
HOLD UP I think she only has eight fingers...
do you think i can make that microwavable cake stuff with vodka instead of water?
you should probably use water
i dont have any
She wants her shit back. Clearly she missed the cheaters-get-their-shit-ritually-burned clause.
Too many sundays start with me waking up still drunk in my car.
Today has been the most awkward masturbatory day of my life. Possibly even more awkward than when my mom found my vibrator on Mother's Day.
I'm the saddest girl in a tutu right now.
I think i morst likely have 95 %patulas for hands and probably i also went to eGypt with so manyfriends. We laids in the sarcaphoguses.
You sound pretty unsure about all of this.
This is one of those times I wish I had a time machine so I could go back and punch myself in the face to make me realize what I need to do before it's too late
It's a fucking menopause festival down here at the strike zone
I might have been the first person in 2015 to throw up on a yellow cab before climbing in it.
SHE MASTURBATED TO THE THOUGHT OF ME HAVING AN ALL DUDE THREESOME WITH HER EX BOYFRIENDS.
My boobs are hoarders, they steal food and hide it. Greedy bitches.
Thank you, my gorgeous heroine, for being such a total life-saver by giving me rides, forcing me to eat, providing porous absorbant surfaces to bleed on, and everything else you do <3
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