that was after robitussin, alcohol, and chocolate sauce... but before we finished pregaming
I bought beer tonight and got 3 coupons with my receipt. Paper towels, laundry detergent, and Advil. I wonder if Stop & Shop predicts the future or just does this with every beer purchase.
Just made everyone at my party download the vuvuzela app for iPhone, the neighbors absolutely HATE us
And when I say "complete whore" I mean I could possibly make a shameful profit by wearing this.
Did you get my bra back of the bartender?
I seriously think we need to revision your idea of 'keeping a low profile'
This guy in a neck brace is ordering bottle service at the strip club. Not sure whether to applaud his commitment or scorn his addiction. It's a draw.
The birthday girl is bringing her own barf bucket, it is going to be a good weekend.
the parade is in 5 days. put your big boy pants on and come to beer training. time to build your tolerance. i can't have you passing out in a bush with a cape on again this year.
Its kind of weird knowing that im only seeing you that day to fuck in some woods
He drinks vodka like healthy people drink water and I wanted to have his adopted gay babies. That's all. I'm going to go find him and potentially propose.
He wins the giant teddy bear for getting the neuva ring on the dick
he fucked me wearing a cowboy hat and made grits after
We call him Texas for a reason.
Showing girls my stab wound was not the brilliant idea I thought it was.
I'm pretty happy on the couch eating Popeyes and watching Cops so if I go over there you better have drugs left
Worst case: you're extra horny, have no control of your mouth or actions, and maybe murder someone. Child's play.
Randomize
