How do you jack off and text at the same time?
On my iPhone they have an app for that
My family just suggested tequila shots. I had Vietnam style flashbacks.
Well i just learned hong kong is a country...thank you olympics
She sucked her thumb until she was 17. It's like my dick was born to be in her mouth.
He asked me to coffee and I had no choice but to be honest. So naturally I told him that sobriety and monogomy are not two of my strong suits.
the coastal evacuation route ends at my vagina so you can just skip the bullshit and come over
SIMBAAAA REMEBER WHO YOU ARE
So apparently I ended up throwing my clothes in the toilet after getting kicked out of TQ and ran around the neighborhood in my boxers. Works gonna suck hard once this hangover kicks in. Also: I lost a shoe so looks like flipflops for the rest of winter
I'm like 80% sure we nearly got arrested because we threw fireworks at a car
He pulled out a coupon for $2.50 off the crab cakes and expected us to share that as a meal. Is that the kind of person you really see me dating?
I was in the bathroom and I heard a phone ding inside one of the stalls. I really wanted to say, nature is calling, but I was still in my work uniform
I'm sorry that running around town like a frenetic wombat trying to find you KY jelly isn't good enough for you.
I think he's like Cher he's going to live forever but not as scary looking
I don't think I've ever had this many people offer me blow before. 3 o'clock on a Thursday. I keep good company.
On this version of “Dean Can’t Be a Normal Fucking Human,” I told a guy I’d shove a tv up his ass. Recreationally.
Plasma, LED or OLED?
Randomize
