dude are you gonna smoke tonight? my day was shit and I wanna get high
worker bees can leave....even drones can fly away....the queen is their slave
nevermind....I'm on the way
Just did free shots of tequila at a walmart. Hello Mexico
somehow we got the entire party to start singing "ill make a man out of you" from mulan. needless to say, that kid had the best keg stand i'd ever seen.
I found it funny that her boobs actually kinda felt like a bag of sand. the 40 year old virgin should feel better about himself.
Yeah, she tried to drown her but then they hooked up.
woke up in a random sweater in a random bed in a random house on a street I don't recognize..
also, I vaguely remember swapping shirts with some random guy on the dance floor.
Do you know how hard it is to be while you're high with a chuck Norris poster in the bathroom?
Naw but when she was in the bathroom I threw the condom out the window and I'm pretty sure it hit some girl
I want to sit on top of her nipple mountains and reenact the Ricola commercial.
we got cupcakes after we fucked. gives a whole new meaning to sugar daddy
Is banging someone in the national guard considered a state service or a national one?
I don't know what you slipped me, but my TV is vomming blood right now. Thanks, jerkoff.
It took 5 bourbons for him to handcuff and spank me and then he cried after sex. The men that like me are so unstable.
MASS TEXT: Next weekend I will be in town for St. Patty's day. There will be a bonfire and liqour olympics. We will have booze but in order to participate it is byob. Upon arrival everyone will be asked to sign a waiver. I am not responsible for liver failure, death, loss of clothing or memory, bites, scratches, hickies, pregnancies, or any other for of injury you may obtain while participating. There will be ridiculous amounts of green glitter, be prepared to puke it up. ALSO WEAR SOMETHING GREEN OR YOU WILL BE PENALIZED!! AUTOMATIC 5 SHOTS. HAPPY GAMING!!!
There were no words. I got in his car, took my pants off, threw my shirt out the window, and got things started. After we were done I collected my clothes, gave him a kiss, and crept back into my house.
You're like the sex ninja. How doesn't he love you?!
Randomize
