And he showed us your test. You wrote what is this shit and scribbled on it? Nice 3%..
I just feel like a little gay dolphin in a massive sea
I repeat the shot was ON FIRE. I am never going to a pirate bar again.
Rule #127: If your going to try fuck a married guy, you gotta be hotter then his wife; diet starts today.
There's puke on my pillow. I'm still wearing my wedges. And I have a cab drivers number clutched in my fist.
She once gave me sex advice over the phone while intoxicated. So no you don't have the cooler therapist.
I just contemplated drinking cheese dip. And by "contemplated," I mean "attempted and was forcibly stopped from."
Two drag queens are fighting over me. And yet the night is still getting weirder
You know you're a heffer when you discover chocolate frosting on your smoking apparatus
I've decided to take one for the team and bang the landlady for lower rent.
And let me tell you, getting your ass waxed is the weirdest fucking experience.
She broke up with me. I guess I was in the most chaste lesbian relationship in the history of the world and had no idea.
It's not "nice." It's the supermodel of dicks.
How are you and your magical vagina doing today?
My boss is explaining why he thinks time goes by faster and faster. Bc of the rockets. No lie.
Randomize
