eh.. i should've known it was headed downhill after he used the phrase "pussy sundae"
i told my doctor i had 3 partners and one unprotected.. shes a cute little indian lady i couldnt break her heart
I literally stabbed myself so I had a valid reason to get out of having sex with her
That dick who always called me a slut in high school showed up at the clinic with boner problems. Then I was assigned as his nurse. Who's laughing now. I AM.
Congratulations, you have helped solved the mysterious disapperance of Dani's phone which was found in the munchies cabinet next to the oreos. Your reward is star power as well as a fat ass bowl of Nebula. You may proceed through the wardrobe and into Narnia for your prize.
they have a video of him in his boxers making a snow angel in the hallway is his own vomit and coca cola.
I was trying to pee in the bushes and the person who lived in the house where the bushes were planted started knocking on the window to get me to stop peeing in their bushes
She pretty much spent NYE measuring dicks, trying to decide which one to take home.
I'm getting married
To pizza
in other news i got caramel vodka poured on me. upside, i smell amazing
I just masterbated to the home shopping channel...what have I become...
He's not very smart so he didn't know I was yelling at him with monologues from Scandal.
No just a list of 20 of my favorite things
Where are penises on the list
Where am I on the list
Under penises
answer honestly do you think i can make a bloody mary with ketchup????
I have serious attachment issues. I just realized how long its been since ive smoked out of my bong and I feel guilty for dis owning it this week
Randomize
