I just peed in my kitchenbs sinlk. New low- maybe. am i embarrassed? Not in the least
If you don't answer the phone then I will be forced to leave you a wonderful voicemail of me throwing up
I've thrown up so many times in the third floor bathroom of Baldwin that they should probably just go ahead and name it after me.
Does the blue bra belong to your sister or cousin?
Dong worry about me. I just cashed bottle of wine when I found out he was in town, I'm being dramatic. I'll text you tomorrow when I'm sober and my face stops bleeding
Chill out, I'm getting ready as fast as I can. I didn't even masturbate in the shower.
I had her buy me a cock ring, so we might test that out. We are presently playing yahtzee.
Cock rings and yahtzee. Like peanut butter and jelly.
I mean seriously...It's like the universe is saying "your vagina is closed, move along"
They're gonna put "is a hoe" on my medical records
It figures that the only time one of my videos on Snapchat gets replayed is a video of my Hedonism Bot impression and NOT my nudes
Why would you get kicked out?
Well, an overweight man is currently not wearing a shirt. Or pants. And is getting in touch with his inner Chippendale. You can probably fill in the blanks.
My manager gave me an envelope with money in it before he had vacation, and when I asked what it was for, he said it will be his bail money.
beggars cant be choosers....im desperate and he has a dick. he checks all the boxes.
Hey I'm trying to get back with my ex I'mm done doing whatever we were doing I hope things workout for you
Weird flex but ok.
Sex was followed by homemade breadsticks. I waited till after the breadsticks were gone to tell her i had a gf.
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