Dude I just figured out the mystery flavor of airhead is vodka sprite, no way i'm wrong
That drug basically just makes anything that's in your mouth awesome
I've thrown up twice at work. Just casually, in the mop sink. Then continued to make someone a milkshake. Want some ice cream?
Just finished my quantum homework in ladies room writing with eyeliner. I am the party/physics champion.
The leasing office is hiring, so I gave them my resume and class schedule. I doubt they'll call me considering last summer at their "exotic animal" pool party I marched in with a funnel and demanded the employees chug. I doubt they've forgotten.
FYI, announcing your arrival at jail with "Hi,yes, I'm checking in? I believe I've reserved a bed, a 2 night stay this weekend?" is, in fact, frowned upon
I threw a hotdog at the security guard and called the bartender "goodlooking for a 35 year old who was rode hard and put away wet"... I would have kicked me out too
When one of my seniors asked "Rough night?" I realized my poor decisions involving Tuesday night drinking did not go unnoticed.
I was using my Beauty and the Beast blanket as a makeshift skirt because no pants
How does a face ride mean we're back together?
We grabbed as many adult diapers as we could and made a run for it.
whered you go
woke up in a ditch, shat infront of a little league game, slept in her stairway...i need to come here more often
where the fuck are you? she just tazed two people and we're tripping shrooms...successful first night in new apartment!
How many Hail Marys does a girl need to say to get some quality nudes?
cant one of your roommates drive you?
You came in my eye once. You owe me.
ill be there in 20
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