Sorry about teling your dad i'd have sex with him last night in front of your mom while i was drunk
We had sex in his tahoe, talked about how we don't love each other and then high fived twice. Best Day Ever
There are the 2 BIGGEST tools by me-- at our table. I hate them. But they're not ugly and I may make out with them later. And hate myself. Definitely hate myself.
My roommate found me crawling down the hallway as she was on her way to her morning class. Its time for a new semester.
So I told her I dislocated my shoulder and she said "well okay. I can either be on top or blow you."
Decisions, decisions.
We went into lab today and when no one was looking i touched our cadaver's penis!
This morning is cloudy with a high chance of vomiting all over the dentist. Stay tuned for further updates.
If you die first, I'm going to sleep with a pallbearer at your funeral.
He's the conductor of the struggle bus
I RODE THAT FINE PIECE OF STRUGGLE BUS
I know we said we never would. But try fucking a fat guy. He put in so much more effort and then made me waffles.
I was sleeping pretty good until your cat pooped loudly. I dreamed that a full grown man was pooping on my ear. It startled me.
It's like if you wanna bond just do a ropes course or have group sex you don't have to be weird about it
He's gone. He left a note but all it says is "Dear Neil" followed by a drawing of a hand flipping the bird in the direction of a butt.
I'm killing it this week, I've peed my pants and put my vibrator into the washing machine.
shots, cocks, socks. bingo
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