I think we should go ahead and pin a note to my shirt when we go out that says"do NOT buy me shots"
On the back we can put possible side effects may include: indiscriminate making out, brief crying spells, yelling in jibberish, and sudden sleep.
I just had a cup of orange juice and thought it didnt taste right. It didnt have vodka in it.
Drunk me was responsible for doing it, but sober me was definitely cheering him on
if I see a bottle of vodka right now I'll probably throw up gum I swallowed when I was a kid
Can you explain to me why there are fake boobs glued on my chest?
Hey, don't think you remember me but we met last night. I'm conducting a survey this morning its only one question: Have you seen Rob since 1am?
things were going awesome until jimmy put out a cigarette in the everclear.
Can I use your baby to go shoplifting?
I can see the future and your future is full of penis
I definitely don't remember licking the drag queens boob.
He made me cum via FaceTime, then he made me look at his stock investment charts..
No alcohol sales on Election Day. WTF? Today, of all days, I need to be splurged to to vote for any of these morons running for president.
I can't give advice right now, I have a yeast infection.
its like probably shouldnt be sending pics of your asshole to strangers who work in the same building as you
My roommate made maccoroni last nigh dropped the bowl off the counter knocking it into the dog bowl he picked up the dog bowl and started eating it claiming it was te worst Mac and cheese ever and if he wasnt so high he would stop eating it hahahaha
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