I only have two playlists on my iPod. One for when im getting drunk, one for when I'm getting high. Is this something to be worried about?
Just threw up at the bar from the heat. Fun change of pace.
She was crying, alone at a college bar. It would have been rude NOT to try and show my penis to her.
I'm alone drinking at the bar and the titanic theme song is on. This won't end well.
Why have her stay eight hours when I only last eight minutes?
I got a second ticket last night for drunkly using my one call to order a pizza and get it delivered at the police station
We had a deepthroating contest with breadsticks at Olive Garden
You are the only person I have ever seen offer your other drink to the bouncer on two fors night
Bouncers are people too...giant angry people
Not after That Night. No. I hate tequila. And it hates me. Very mutual hateship going on.
The best of us have puked in our office garbage cans. I just hope yours wasn't the metal mesh kind...and bagless like mine. Rock n roll office manager.
My mom just told me she would flash her tits to a cop to get me out of jail, and then we high-fived.
YO I WASNT TRYING TO MAKE A PASS AT YOU.... Or Jesus
So this is my life now? Laying in bed texting about Hulk penis?
So he apologized for peeing on my floor.. then we fucked all night.
Real classy
I brought coffee but not enough for the naked guy on your porch
Randomize
