The pink midgets playing hockey is the EXACT reason cold meds and alcohol do not mix. Period.
her vagina looked like a handful of raisins.
I guess I should mention that I have already fucked the Fed Ex guy.
That changes everything.
He is offering to pay me back by sending me a dick pic.
.......................................
My thoughts exactly.
Nope. Daytime is texting time. Night time is you send me naked pictures time.
i don't know what part of 'duct tape bikini waxes' seemed even a little okay in our drunk minds, but i'm never drinking with your sister again
WHEN DID YOU SAY YOU COME BACK BC I GOT INVITED TO A KEG WAR PARTY
Which outfit says "I'm sorry for your loss but we're still banging later"?
When do you want to get tanked and forget our entire college education?
So I had sex in the woods today. Anything else that happened today? Irrelevant. It was a GOOD day.
How do I tell my hairdresser I want a hair style I saw in a porn video?
I was dreaming of a parallel reality and in the dream I just looked up at my present self and was like "you're high, man"
I'M TRYING. TO WATCH. PORN. PLS HAVE UR IMPORTANT DISCUSSIONS ELSEWHERE FUCKERS
I suggest both. Please have sex with them and prepare notes for a final comparison.
a girl walked up to me and asked if you were my brother. she shook her head and said 'im so sorry' when i said yes. what did you fucking do????????
Randomize
