She eyed me up from across the bar and mouthed "I have no gag reflex".
She just told me she blew the waiter in the bathroom. Should I still leave a tip?
no i decided against it. savin my coke binge for finals week.
I wanna throw up and cum in that order
Yeah, clearly. And then we can float around my room on Christmas themed inner tubes. And drink, I guess.
Fuck you, you can't judge me til you've smelt my boobs.
You got kicked out after 30 minutes, 3 beers and 2 shots. Group record. Also you kept rubbing his belly and calling him buddha.
BUT YOU MUST FINISH YOUR QUEST
TO FIND THE HOLY GRAIL
AND GET DRUNK OFF YOUR ASS BY DRINKING OUT OF IT
He compared my blow job skills to finding gold treasure in a gold chest, so there's that.
As if I didn't already know that I was in the friend zone, our conversation that included the words "kiddo" and "old friend" really was a knee biter.
Drunk you needs to learn how to call sober me, so sober me can talk your drunk vagina down.
I heard you ran into my sister lastnight. Do you remember making out with her and slapping my uncle?
Why did you have to tell me he has a hammer cock? Now I can’t stop staring at his pants.
I asked him to have birthday sex with me via xbox live
I want to shoot him sideways (so he can still breathe) in the Adam's apple with my little crossbow.
Randomize
