Went to the career fair today..I handed out many resumes to find out later that they say I have a bachelor o farts degree...Top that.
I've come to realize that after waking up this morning for work no one wins in bar dice.
we were sitting in the bathtub when she came in with her grandpas cane adn beat us until lindsay passed out
ever have one of those nights where you feel like you should leave the house with your insurance card? that is tonight, my friend.
I'll never forget how blunt of a wingman you were. "Excuse me, my friend wants to makeout with someone"
Dude.. full face helmets and hangovers do not mix... I am never going to get rid of the smell of puke.
They told you that you couldn't fit in the dryer. Man, did they eat their words. You did brake the door though.
You showed up at 4 a.m with two middle-aged men, a 200 dollar bottle of wine, three bottles of beer, no shoes on, and a half eaten red velvet cake.You are never drinking absinthe again.
Option 1: fuck me and bedtime. Option 2: come fuck me and then hangout with everyone. Option 3: don't fuck me in which case fuck you.
Congratulations on your downgrade, shes one hell of a 5
If drinking had a "new high score" I think I hit it this weekend.
Did you just email Kelly and I gay dinosaur erotica?
Also I'd apologize for texting you flipping my shit about the science of hair growth while I was shrooming last night but we know each other better than that
No? The only contact I've had with him for months was when I drunk texted him from Costa Rica to say that all jazz sounds the same
i can believe you didnt get any, i was wing-girling the shit out of him
all you did was repeatedly scream GET IT IN
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