The first sip always goes straight to my vagina.
we couldnt tell if he was gay so we started working glee quotes into the conversation to see if he noticed.
Well then I realized I had a bigger problem when I woke up a long board.
I just couldn't help myself when there was a FOUNTAIN OF SHOTS
there is no way i can order from that cashier at in n out after she tried helping me while i was drunkenly puking in their bathroom at 11 am
it was surprisingly calming to be rocked to sleep by his roommate humping on the bottom bunk
I need you to stand in the corner and ref this threesome. Wear stripes.
Her voice kills me. Its the perfect pitch to fuck with my hangover.
But I do cardio so I don't get winded during sex really it's not like I'm trying to lose weight
Urgent. Do not ignore. What does this "=$" shit mean. Quality foreign dick is at stake here
I should probably stop recommending my dentist to the different guys I'm seeing. That could be awkward in the future.
I can't give advice right now, I have a yeast infection.
My new dentist just kinda stared at me when I told him that I used to have partial dentures after breaking 2 teeth while beating the shit out of someone, until I puked them into the toilet and flushed them after getting high and making myself undercooked mac and cheese.
the guy in front of me in walmart is buying a blowtorch, potato chips, and condoms. I'm curious and horrified at the same time.
What the fuck dude? Now it's a "who is this?" convo going back and forth. Like... helllloooo you just sent me a picture of your penis! I'm entitled to ask who the fuck it is. I can't verify an identity by a body part.
Randomize
