We were done making out and had been asleep for a hour. I felt him put his hand on my butt. Then I farted.
This is the LAST time i'm accepting the excuse "tequila made me do it". Even tequila thinks buying all of nickelback's itunes singles is fucking retarded
you kept shouting how the only tree you would hump is an elm tree because they're under populated
Just scheduled a cocaine deal around my drug counsler appointment. Why yes, thank you, I do enjoy the irony that is my life.
Ok see being that I'm not present or participating your vague texts "neeeeed that" and "vagina" leave a lot to question.
And then you guys went on to show us ur sex positions from the before. Thanks
just cheers'ed a flock of cattle as i drove past eating a burger i bought 7 hours ago. that high.
I could seriously attempt to try and saw my head in half with a butter knife cause im pretty sure it could not hurt any more than it already does
We need to get her a baby shower present. And no, a blow up sex doll with her dead boyfriends picture stuck to it, is not appropriate.
Ok, gonna go sleep cuz my brain wants to be smart and not follow my pussy into the danger zone
Just retrieve me from the bathroom floor when you're done
Do you participate in Sunday morning booty calls?
Dammit! I didn't see this message, of course I do.
I just made some sangria and taking a roadie on my stroller walk around the hood! Parenting at its finest
I will be DAMNED if anyone but me breastfeeds my cat.
someone just "made it rain" kraft processed sliced cheese. i forgot what it was like to be home...
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