shaved balls and baby powder=awesome
North Korea, Best Korea!
Her brother walked in on her giving me a bj and just laughed. I got a highfive before I left.
they arrested me when i was peaking, i'm pretty sure they were specifically looking for me but i was too busy rolling around, loving the grass to notice the police car..
got my wristband ripped off, was told i can only be served water. please find me, i'll be running through the fountain
Well the good news is my "i'm an adult" dinner party went well, they all brought wine and complimented my cooking abilities. the bad news is i woke up with the leftovers in my bed/on my face
On a separate but also a very relevant note, can we practice drinking wine like real people?
Yeah dude. Pulled out the couch and a bird flew at me. Please tell me who put a bird in my house.
Did you get an erection too during Paul Ryan's speech?
Fun times on public transportation. I just had a guy imply that I was racist cause I didn't want to talk to him when I was clearly reading my book and he was clearly on coke.
last thing I remember is yelling 'sit on my face' through a traffic cone
I'm going to start using the hurricane naming system for my hangovers. Hangover Agatha is a real bitch today.
Wine is the only reason I'm making it in the real world
I've had sex with three people who have this birthday.
Apparently I called down to the hotel front desk and begged them to bring us pizza. They brought us tea.
I'm going to blackout. I realize this
Randomize
