i just walked with a girl who was carrying a chair down the street. apparently she got mad at the bartender and took the bar stool when she left.
i would totally change schools right now just to be that new girl everyone wants
Just got the American Express annual summary for 2009. The amount of bars we visited last year is impressive.
Been considering the feasibility of adopting a kangaroo. Yes I'm very serious. And yes I'm very high.
I was born in the year of the cock... How fitting.
If our dicks could shake hands in congratulations they would
ok so I've decided, new penis Thursday (formally known as new people Thursday) will need to be put on hold next week in preparation for Friday
Memorial weekend is the following week genius. New penis Thursday countdown has already begun.
She literally just changed his birthday. Overly attached girlfriend has nothing on her.
This taxi driver is not happy I am in drag
Also, I called my liver hardcore in front of vet students last night and then wound up having three of them trying to palpate it. So...not saying that again.
Would you laugh at me if I told you I think I burned my nipples?
OMFG I JUST SEARCHED DILDO ON THE WORK SHARED AMAZON ACCOUNT!!!!!
I'm like the kinda excited when David After Dentist stands up in his seat, screams, and collapses
I made the antidote to the nasty cognac. I AM THE GOD OF MIXED DRINKS.
He licked me while I ate pretzels and chips. I was really living my best life.
Randomize
