He was dressed in cheap leather and smelled like death.
k, so I just picked a four leaf clover, then saw my dads penis. Lucky? I think not.
Why did I wake up with "How to masturbate" on my youtube search bar?
You told us you forgot how, and started to cry.
I'm pretty sure she sent a group text out saying that I was the one to get with her last night and sorry to everyone who didnt make it.
Honestly it was an honor just to be nominated.
Hm. I declare blue a flavor.
needless to say, I hope she has to get an abortion again
I wish the health center treadmills counted beers burned not calories
Also, if you all get arrested i'm coming to laugh at you because i don't have the money for bail.
she said she wouldn't go home with me until she looked up my name in her sex offender app. do i really give off that vibe?
Yeah. It's not just the beard either.
The best part of the night was you shouting "I have to take the LSAT tomorrow" between shots of fireball.
I blacked out in the cab last night... Cant remember getting in the front door, also i got into bed with my grandma.
You were yelling at a tree saying it should be in the forest..
Don't judge me.
you said, "the pool was totally tequila. and i left my shoe halfway across town. and by shoe i mean car" it appeared to me that you didn't have your shoes or car.
Hmm should I take my nipple rings out before my sisters wedding/family vacation in Puerto Rico where I will be with my mother 24hrs a day for four days wearing a bathing suit seemingly the entire time? Or should I just risk it and not hug anyone.
Risk it. Keep the titties tough.
I was in line at Panera when I got the pic you sent to your coworker. I just showed your vag to a soccer mom. The vibrator was a nice touch.
Randomize
