It took him longer to undo my bra than he lasted..
Is it a little weird that I have a ridiculous urge to have sex while the theme song to the Pirates of the Carrbibbean blares in the background?
i fucked a milf yesterday.
i'm not impressed, in this generation that could technically mean a 16 year old.
she tried giving me head in the pool. it was more entertaining than pleasurable
She fell asleep on the sidewalk and people starting using her as a hurdle
... I went down on him at the movies. I feel like Alanis Morisette.
no, throwing your underwear at it is not the solution to everything
I wish you could see how much hot sauce and broken glass are in our apartment right now.
HE'S BRINGING FRIED MAC AND CHEESE BITES. I GET FRIED MAC AND CHEESE AND SEX PEOPLE. BEST WEDNESDAY EVER.
If it wasn't for the fact that I drink during my lunch break I'm pretty sure I would have quit this job by now
Ryan got so drunk he gave a hobo $20 and I had to zip tie him to the bed so he doesn't out stupid himself
idk about you, but when i sext i just hit em with the "yo lets bang" text
I'm so jealous of your sex life. You know it's awesome when thinking about the sex you had last night brings you tears of joy.
Okay, maybe filling water balloons with vodka was not our best idea.
Third time this week I've caught co workers dry humping. Quarantine really changes people's priorities.
Randomize
