Ambien. No doubt about it.
I drank gravy. I actually drank gravy. This is heaven.
hey everyone... booty call? my house tonight. bring friends to fuck my friends.
On the one hand, she would be the biggest mistake of my year. On the other hand, she's here and drunk.
Just coerced a Santa to buy me a handle. Tis the season.
So apparently blacked out me judges a man based on what type of dinosaur he would be...
You talked the cab driver into taking a shot from your flask at a red light because "Ray Charles would want him to"
i think i just asked a donut if it was ok
I managed to get through my meeting without throwing up in someone else's office, so there's that for an accomplishment today.
Right when he asked me if I was on birth control my dad walked in. This is my fate.
In Texas. Drank way too much wine. Puked in a gallon zip lock bag. Passed out at 445 with the ENTIRE family here. Got up at 745 in time for dinner. I made you proud!!!
I just paid my school fees like a real adult who doesn't get accidentally drunk on a Tuesday night
He stood up through the sunroof yelling "CHOCOLATE MILK BITCHESSSS!!!! YOU AIN'T WORTH SHIT NOW!!!" the sad part is he wasn't even drunk yet. I worry about him sometimes.
I just had 3 numbers I don't know text me and remind me I am to attend AA on monday. Im gonna say it was a good night.
I was trying to be good but he showed up with dinner and wine and I exploded. Like a bomb. A dirty, sexy bomb
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