I just had to explain to my father, how having two screens plugged into my computer doesn't use more internet.
I envy your ability to put any word in front o the word beer and make drinking before 5 sound like a socially sanctioned event.
GO HOME AND LIKE EVERYTHING ON COLT'S FACEBOOK UNTIL 2007.
Wtf it's a Friday night?
PRIORITIZE.
Nothing says fuck you quite like putting your used condom in someones mailbox for them to find in the morning.
My professor just told me I'm living a lie and I found puke on my pants. How do you think it's going?
I just let my hand run under cold water for five minutes. I couldn't stop staring at it and the only things I could think about were how amazing it felt, how cool water was, and what a wonderful world it is that we live in. Reasons why I don't smoke...
I deserve a fucking award for best roommate. I just cleaned his room, so he can have a 3 some
how are you shocked you fucked her? sure shes hot, but she also washed your beerpong balls in her mouth..... you should probably get tested.
I have a diplomatic trade for you. My pants for your rum. Tomorrow?
Just copped mushrooms from a dude in a business suit. U comin or what?
I was watching porn and wanted to change the tab to another video to cum but I clicked the wrong tab and it was a gif of a dog but I was coming and couldn't do anything so did I jill off to a dog? I feel like I should be guilty
I woke up in some kids room and he introduced me to his friends at breakfast as "Monica" so I just went with it.
I mean go ahead and let your freak flag fly but if you could not fly it in my bed that would be great
You know you're high when you find yourself sitting on the floor with the refrigerator door open, talking to various foods. Hand gestures and all.
woke up, covered in gummy bears, with a note that said "the gummy army won"
Randomize
