Why are handjobs necessary in class?
Well whatever you do have, it sure worked on me.
A Penis?
Don't park in the garage. I installed a stripper pole while drunk and it's kinda in the way
i was gonna fuck her but then she started eatin sushi from her purse. i really need to raise my standards
Some girl, somewhere, is going to wake up with my face paint on her vagina
Yea. I couldn't get a job in fast food but I can teach Americas youth. The future looks great
After much deliberatipn and vodka, my favourite phrase of Christmas 2012 is "penis of last resort"
I don't know if I want context or not...
Context involves faux incest and champagne. Id go into detail but im on shot number 5.
Like an undercooked grilled cheese that got cold again. But hairy.
And there goes my desire for sandwiches. Forever.
Uh, he still talks to you after you basically sexually harassed him using emojis?
He just showed up on my porch naked with just a blanket and a trash bag
I'm gonna look back at these days one day and be like "damn I shoulda been turnt but I was in bed instead watching netflix"
okay, but you can't tell anyone. Every time he instagrams something with the caption "avocado," it means he's booty calling me. Happy?
p.s i need to stop drunk texting my mom. she brings up text convos all the time and i have no idea what shes talking about...
I remember being like "I can't hold both of you guy's hair back!" so I put headbands on each of you
Dude, she was there with her husband and I was there with my wife. Of course we banged in the bathroom.
Randomize
