alright so where did all these fingerpaintings on my bedroom wall come from?
dude. you drew those with your dick
just spent about 3 1/2 hours looking for a dollar so I can buy weed.
suggestion: become a stripper.
I walked in on him shirtless licking the mirror while talking to his reflection. So yes, I definitely want to do shrooms the next time you get them.
Fuck Spring. The birds chirping at 4am make me feel unnatural for still being up and drunk.
There is nothing scarier than watching yourself breathe in the mirror while on shrooms.
We got caught having sex in the bathroom by my professor. In accordance with tradition, we still brofisted. I think my grade went up considerably.
Jesus, you make out with one twin then sleep with the other and suddenly they don't want to play soccer with you... Men can be so sensitive...
Still drunk on my morning "run" which has turned into a walk. Just burped fireball
I know he's gay. But if he touches my vagina I'm human centipeding his face. Sorry not sorry
we turned the lights off and all you could see were my glow in the dark stars and his penis
He just texted me a video of him jerking off. He must really be looking forward to the Super Bowl.
Babe, holding my hair while i blow you doesn't count as being romantic
Just a reminder- you dropped broccoli in my car and then felt bad for it and named him Henry
I know. I miss henry.
I need to show you how I feel about you by fucking you repeatedly.
I have betrayed my no carb ways & I can feel it.
Embrace it. Come over to the dark side. I'll feed you muffins while stroking your hair.
Randomize
