Theres this tee in the mall and it says all girls just wanna have safe sex. U make me think thats a lie
I'm gonna write a book, Things that go bump in the night: The story of Katelyn. Chapter one, my roommate is a dumb whore.
New universal law, if a movie has a Rob Zombie song in it, its probably a bad movie.
theyre just this beautiful family of functioning alcoholics. i want them to adopt me.
Bagel with cream cheese. It's blowing my fucking mind.
How high are you right now..
I MICROWAVED IT. SIGNIFICANT IMPROVEMENT.
my mom just informed me that im way nicer when im high and offered to supply my weed until our house guests leave.
does that include her cleaning your bowl?
Best thing law school has taught me: how to use logic to turn a girls "no I will not have sex with you" into "well I might as well get laid"
Eventually the creepy theater major quirks will come out. Probably in bed. Like role playing as the Phantom of the Opera
turkey basters and jungle juice, is that really the whole shopping list for new year's?
He is eating chips off the floor in the emergency room..
i asked the cop if we could stop and do a chinese firedrill.... he said no.
Just witnessed a fat waitress doing whipits in the back of a waffle house.. my life seems a little brighter..
Hahahaha who is sleeping in the garage on our beer pong table?
I just ate beer and cupcakes for breakfast.... maybe this fourth of july won't be so bad
Wake up. Finish House of Cards. Put on pants.
Accurate.
Randomize
