He is an equal opportunity slut.
take it from a girl who woke up with a girl in her bed... you were not that drunk.
I should go buy the economy size box of condoms and sprinkle a path like rose petals to my bed... Think he'd get the hint?
I can't wait till you move in so I can stop drinking alone.
it's a Wednesday?
:)
Someone took a picture of their balls on my phone last night. BEAUTIFUL PACKAGE. I will find this man.
I walked in, the bartender looked at me, grabbed 3 shot glasses and a pounder. Lined them up on the bar then made a line with salt on the other side of them and said I wasn't allowed to cross it.
This Alex the guy who suck your belly ring
It takes a special friend to go vibrator shopping with
Yes. It does.
I feel horrible. I brought her to your house like a late night pizza delivery and dropped her off.
This is me trying to take a picture to send to grandma. At 4. We were trying to look sober.
Oh, don't mind me, that's just my vagina rattling.
I HAVE 5 FELTING NEEDLES AND THEYRE GOING DIRECTLY INTO YOUR EYES IF YOU POST THAT SHIT
I wanted to waterboard myself with beer, but no one would give me their shirt to do it.
Guess who just set half their backyard on fire.
Please tell me youre joking.
Nope. on the brightside though, im really gonna quit smoking this time.
Yes I’m serious. I just worked YOUR 12 hour shift on 3 hours of sleep if you come over without tacos and an ice cream cake in hand we are done
Randomize
