Charged a drink to your name last night. Thanks for the whiskey
Bro, I met the coolest hottest chick tonight and she has the hottest friends.
Where are you?
Strip Club
I just found 'pokemon orgy' in my search history
Having sex with her was like reading the Wall Street Journal.
i'm gonna start putting 34DD under other qualifications on my bartender applications and see if that helps
I looked her in the eye and told her I was 'balls deep' in love with her...She said that wasn't saying much. Time to drink away the sadness...
I'm sorry. I know you didn't expect me to be arm deep in vagina when you walked through the door.
So hungover. They actually hid easter eggs around me.
getting up at 8am to start drinking seemed like a much better idea before I had to wake up at 8am
Last night when you stole the construction sign you told me to tell you that first you did it for the money Than you did it for the music But mostly you did it for your family
SOMEONE has to puke in the potted plants at an Xmas party. As their boss I felt it should be me.
I think I'm done drinking. How did we end up partying at a frat house with my mom...
I just came so hard my vision went blurry. I can only hope one day I'll find a man that can accomplish what my left hand does on a tri-daily basis.
So....I just took a paddle fan on high speed to the side of the head while getting head...still finished the job, good thing I'm drunk and couldn't feel it.
My brother is chasing tequila with vodka. Not sure how it will turn out, but I like his style.
Randomize
