The 3 of us think it's time to start drinking.
3?
Me, myself and I
I think a girl in front of me glued an ugg tag to a weird pair of boots.
so the party was at my house but some how i ended up being the only one who slept outside
Had a farmer come into my class to talk to us today. He apparently met his wife on fb and just thanked jesus for his land. I think I am in the wrong major...
I'm now at that point where it just feels natural to do a few shots of whisky with breakfast and then head to work
I gave him head while he watched NASCAR. My future flashed before my eyes.
This spray tan I used isn't working out. I spent an hour exfoliating and rubbing the damn stuff in with rubber gloves. I wanted the alluring, sun-kissed, sexy look. I've achieved smelling like burnt popcorn and the cats won't stop licking me. I'm a salt lick for cats.
Also he wants to know a casual, consise way to ask a girl in a bar if he could eat her out. Think on that.
He simply fell in the fire, rolled out and continued to finish his bottle of vodka. Everyone else instantly sobered up just watching it.
You were all "think outside the box, inside the bag!" as you filled your camelback with beer.
No don't worry! What are obnoxious, alcoholic, slut roommates for if not for uplifting words and tales of my folly?!
I think he's only dating me for my ass...
She's hot and all. It's just I don't want to become Eskimo brothers with my sister
Good news my life of crime finally paid off
ARE YOU DEAD? TEXT Y FOR YES OR N FOR NO.
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