I'm reducing my diet to vodka and rice cakes.
The bartender let me pay my bar tab with my itunes giftcards.
Well he's not a stripper, so we're already doing better than my last date.
I come back into the room and you're grinding with the person in the mascot suit.
Your French couch surfers have just started playing flip cup with old crow. Basically you need to come back here
he forgot we were at my place and not his so he tried kicking me out of my own apartment by saying "so, you can go whenever you want...."
The bad news is I fucked my exes girlfriend. The good news is I100% understand why he left me
How many band members does it take to become The Band Slut? I think I might be dangerously close
If its possible to have a hickey on your nipple, I have one. Thank you.
Don't go to sleep yet I need your Mexican roots. Can you come make guacamole
Ugh, I should just give up, and fuck him in a parking lot, and shave my head and walk naked through the streets of King's Landing.
As I took my shirt off he commented on how great my boobs where. I responded with "thanks, I grew them myself"
we're at the bar celebrating my ex bootycall getting his new gf pregnant... and me narrowly escaping a future as kitty foreman
However many condoms you have, it isn't enough.
If I slept with her my dick would come out glittery
coward.
Randomize
