Fourth time I had to be woken up in the line of Whataburger in two weeks. First time my shirt was free of vomit.
josh has a chalupa in his pocket if you're hungry.
the head trauma was worth the blowjob.
Freshmen girls are like potato chips you can't have just one.
He explained how that handle got into our fridge. I think i'm going to stick with my original assumption that the vodka gods want me to drink more vodka.
it was good sex until i became a rubber doll and he became a jack hammer, so i guess overall it was good
the cab driver said that we weren't the worst shit show he'd ever seen, CHALLENGE ACCEPTED!!
I'm just waiting til he drunkenly pisses in his new man's car the way he always whipped it out and went Bellagio in mine.
So I have to borrow my moms car tomorrow to go pick up my ID from the strip club so I can board my plane tomorrow
Is it bad that when someone says the phrase "helicopter dick" I immediately think of you?
I know you've been in hospital with meningitis, but last night I walked into a streetlight and bruised my penis so who's really suffering here
I don't think meeting his drug dealers counts as a relationship landmark.
Someone explain to me why I woke up to find a stolen shopping cart in my room...
I have dined. Now I want to get fucked.
he just kept biting everyone and singing hilary duff songs. i can't even bring him to a gas station.
Randomize
