And now I'm afraid that I'm a pornographic eater.
I haven't had sex in so long I'll probably find some stranger, feel guilty, go w/o sex for several months and do it all over again...always something to look forward to
I am at The Loft in SoNo, and there are two girls within arms reach that are making out with each other AGGRESIVELY. Like I can see 100% of a boob
For future reference, this is Trevors little sisters phone now. Trevs number is 484 XXX XXXX. Great story tho
its officail im naming my first born child brickbreaker
i'm high and 74% sure there's a monster in my closet
I swear to god I'm going to hunt down and stab the next telemarketer that calls from a blocked number while I'm waiting for my STD results...
forgot a fork. i am eating fettucini alfredo with a comb that i rinsed off the the bathroom sink. eating alone in my car. life doesn't get any sadder than this
Is he smart?
Why would i know that. That would deal with the top half of his body. I only deal with the bottom half.
Welp. I just hopped out of his window to avoid meeting his parents... happy monday!
God my Facebook chat is a graveyard of old blowjobz
Typical Sunday afternoon purchase of condoms and a helium tank.
I'll be on pinterest all night planning crafty things to do with my cats in 10 years.
"Functional." Your standards for how you feel after drinking are so high.
When your night starts by chugging margarita and drinking vodka out of tupperware, I feel it's best to stay realistic.
Post breakup Disney World may be my best idea ever! Tinkerbell just grabbed my dick and gave me a kiss! This really is the happiest place on earth!
I climbed up on the tank of the toilet so I could take a slo-mo vid of myself pissing into the garbage can, but the base of the toilet shattered and I had to bail.
Randomize
