1:12am: That's just how i roll, and this dress she is wearing is dirty and needs to get pulled over her head.
when I forget a girls name in bed I ask her her middle name then tell her i'm gonna call her that from now on
i wish that i had sketchier friends so that it would be easier to get drugs
I had a dream last night, there was a gumball machine that was filled with Oxycontin. I would try to get some but got vitamins instead. I was so frustrated!! woke up angry.
she woke up, said "please dont tell me your name, i dont want to remember it"
you kept say ridiculous things then repeating them in perfect classical latin. You are onee intelligent drunk
I'm going to come in a little later this morning....there's no heterosexual way to say this....$1 flip flop sale at old navy
Who would win... a chainsaw pooping pterodactyl or a bear with machine guns for feet. big debate about this right now
I am VERY upset that you called my fiesta a waste of time.
VAGINAS ASSEMBLE!
I'm not seeing this movie with you.
My masturbation fantasy just had a wedding theme. I need new hobbies.
I caved man... I fucked her so vigorously, desperately trying to correct her wonky eye. My determination was relentless.
You are a terrible person.
I just try to be optimistic...
I fucked my ex boyfriend to get shrooms for you guys
That's the sweetest thing I've ever heard
The laundromat is nothing like In the pornos
I do have a moral compass! I can’t help it if it only points at penises
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