the new apple iphone has a feature that can find itself if you lose it, apple is getting closer to making a phone completely drunkproof...
i also saw a trio of peacocks walking along a sidewalk in hollywood today. i really hope im not tripping.
I don't know what's more pathetic, the fact that you dated him or the fact that it took a Taylor Swift song for you to break up with him.
I woke up naked on the bathroom floor. the tile grout marks on my boobs hurt, i mananged to use a roll toilet paper as a pillow. never again. did we eat salad?
my roommate made out with a guy wearing a squirrel costume, equipped with a blow up tail. time to start harvesting nuts for the winter
I just rolled over in bed and felt a bump. Turns out it was a lil nug. Talk about being princess and the weed.
The problem with having a roommate is that you are forced to answer the age old question "Are you okay?"
All I remember is grabbing a random guys dick at the bar and him just saying thank you and us taking a shot together
Leave it to me to pull up my boyfriend’s grandfather’s obituary just to find out the name of his sister.
Im pretty sure I didnt bang him becasue I woke up at 6am to him jerking off with a fleshlight right next to me in bed ... He made himself cum and was moaning my name ... MOST AKWARD EXPIERENCE OF MY LIFE
We could probably bang our way to enlightenment. However acid helps.
did you make it home?
i'm in a room and it looks like mine :)
hahah close nuff if it isnt
He said 'I really struggle with the sin of lust' then we proceeded to have sex. So I guess it was a perfectly executed Catholic pick up line?
Where'd you go?
Laundry, im. A responsible drunk
Are you ok? Who pooped in my office?
Randomize
