Best porno line to date...."drinks are on me..." while she female ejaculates into a wine chalice
DAMN! I hate it when i drunkenly erase all my "sent message" and wake up in the morning and my inbox is full of "WTF?" and "Huh?" messages.
You wouldn't stop crying and screaming Hilary Duff doesn't deserve Gossip Girl
Why is there an empty beer bottle in the shower?
Why wouldn't there be.
I need you to come over. Im crying, day drinking and working out simultaneously.
I made a tournament bracket for the girls that Im talking with.
You realize at the bar last night we blew on imaginary whistles like rose from titanic right?
hey tell your friend im sorry for licking his mouth, that was probably inappropriate
just walked past the recycling bin in class, there's keystone cans in it. go cougs.
Don't talk about his dick. That's mine. There's a copyright on it. Use with permission
I hope we all get so wasted that we ride the cows again
THE CONDOM ONLY COVERS HALF OF HIS DICK I AM IN THE BATHROOM PANICKING
I've now spilled wine and got poptarts all over my cast. So much for my doc taking me seriously...
the evidence suggests last night I either took a bath in beer or drank 18 beers while in the bath. either one sounds good to me. sad i don't remember it
Don't drink and try to take a shower. I thought I was drowning
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