Drawing on your hand and calling it yenifer lopez doesn't count!
I'm having a terrible night. Can I sleep over?
Too tired to pretend that I care : (
I am like the Mr. Miyagi of queefs.
you know i'm gay cause i'd have sex with lady gaga. what straight man would say that?
Just woke up on a dolphin floaty wearing only a party hat. There's blood on the side of the pool and glass in the sauna. Worst fucking hangover. But some guy said he is making crepes so its ok
Having a pigeon watch you poop is just creepy. Drunk or not.
Come part with me. By you sleep! No fun. Idek feelings Sorry for your life.
You can't just call animal control when you're drunk because there is a bug in the shower.
Made out with a mannequin all morning in cpr training, so im ready to party
It would seem she's painting a bullseye right in between her legs
Official reason: I couldn't get time off. The real reason: last Xmas nearly ended in alcohol poisoning to prevent me from screaming like a velociraptor
he was making out with her against the stove and started a fire--the thirst literally almost burned the place down!!
I did it again.
I drunk texted John McCain.
He was the perfect gentleman on our first date. Took me out for candlelit dinner at a fancy restaurant, held open the door, walked me home, and made me cum three times before he got his.
I feel like 20 angels jizzed in my mouth. This cupcake is DELICIOUS!
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