absolutely 100% incorrect. and i love you more you silk skinned goddess
Tell your broad to take a big shot of 'chill the fuck out' and put it on my tab.
Contrary to popular belief, while 19 is an attractive age, it does not equate to sexual prowess.
my tampon string is in my asshole... do you think i can get it out without anyone noticing?
i'd get off the bar first.
ok understand this, i didn't pay for your dinner bc you said i wasn't going to get a blowjob for at least a month... this isn't a mail-in rebate deal, you gotta pay upfront
Apparently mid blow job I started crying telling her how "Wonderful this blow job is"
I bought canned wine on a clearance aisle at the liquor store... I feel like I'm living in an episode of It's Always Sunny.
I have a callous on the palm of my hand just below my ring finger that is entirely from opening so many beer bottles. I'm strangely proud right now.
I'm pretty sure I got a cavity today due to how many times I've puked hungover at work.
I drew a nude short fat middle aged woman today and liked it
It was honestly one of my favorite days in art class except for the 20 min she faced me and kept looking at me and we made eye contact
Also, my phone suggested the phrase “puke in the mailbox" how many times have I had the need to text that to people?
She gave me a collar. When I asked what this was for she replied "I'm taming your dick"
i had to call the bar to ask if they found my bowling ball. That good of a night
the yoga instructor with the "dirt" and "roots" tattoos is seriously mother nature. i get my period after ever session i have with her. i'm trippin' balls over it.
I'm just trying to figure out the reason why humans wear socks....
Randomize
