smell like capt'n and strawberry champagne
every time i get drunk at her place i end up leaving with nothing but an empty box of toaster strudels..
I finally got laid.. you said it wouldn't happen.
The liquor store wont accept checks from us anymore.
Heating the house with the oven may not be safe but at least it's always preheated
oh yea it is. i was not expecting to look at a snowbank and just see flying mushrooms
i drank out of my shoe...were you seriously expecting me to be the voice of reason?
whoever put homecoming and halloween on the same weekend owes me a new liver and a get out of jail free card.
I was lying there too hungover to move when my dog jumped onto my bed and set half a calzone on my pillow. Best. Dog. Ever.
I guess I made wings because there's chicken everywhere. Even on the walls. 3 of them. It's like a chicken grave yard.
A surplus of mistakes were made and I don't know what 89% of them were.
Are you the reason I woke up without pants?
he was like tryna hang and chat and I was like dude there's an iguana in this room
He climbed over 2 rows of the cab and told some random girl we were riding with that he would be in the back seat if she wanted to have sex
can I CTRL ALT DELETE this universe
Randomize
