3:47a: I take it you're not on your way over
I was on top riding him and his friend walks in and watched for a minute before he realized what was going on
i know, but like... i wanna be a CLASSY i'm-stealing-your-date kind of slutty...
Even if you were sober, spitters are STILL quitters, end of story.
You told him you were auditioning guys for your new show: "So You Think You Can Fuck."
Best pick-up line ever!
Then he took his girlfriend's fuzzy handcuffs and locked me to their bed. Key is in an unknown location. He's surprisingly idiotic, for being premed.
BTW I totally understand panda express being popular amongst the highs. I can feel the shrimp being slaughtered in my mouth. It's fantastic.
My tweets this weekend consisted of me telling every bar I went to that they were my favorite valentine. I've never felt like more of an alcoholic
She just walked up to him and was like "you should fuck Angela" and it worked! She is the ultimate wingman
I just need to drink whiskey get off and eat some cheese. Why is that so fucking hard for god to deliver.
I'm still laying in bed cuz I don't feel like adulting yet
He said he's in to distance fucking. I thought he just mean long durations. We fucked on a towel all the way down his tile hallway accross his kitchen and into the living room
At least you didn't sleep with Ashley's uncle.
I hate political talk. I just wanna get fucked into an alternate universe where Bernie Sanders is president.
I put on that one song on Titanic so he'd fall asleep. When I was positive he'd passed out in a drunken fit, he outstretches his arms and says "I'm flying, Jack.."
Randomize
